Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Rules of a Toddler (aka ~ John!)

If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.

If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.

If it is high, it must be reached.

If it is shelved, it must be removed.

If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.

If it has leaves, they must be picked.

If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.

If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.

If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.

If it is closed, it must be opened.

If it does not open, it must be screamed at.

If it has drawers, they must be rifled.

If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.

If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.

If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.

If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.

If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest.

It must be pushed by me instead.

If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.

If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.

If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.

If it is paper, it must be torn.

If it has buttons, they must be pressed. (this includes mommy's 'buttons', too!)

If the volume is low, it must go high.

If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.

If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.

If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.

If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.

If it is a phone, I must talk to it.

If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.

If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.

If it is not food, it must be tasted.

If it IS food, it must not be tasted.

If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.

If it is a car seat, it must be protested with arched back.

If it is Mommy, it must be hugged. (as long as it's on his terms)


  1. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to this stage.

  2. I hope you're being sarcastic. =) Cuz if you're not, you'll regret those words, I promise you! lol!!!

  3. Totally being sarcastic. From Shawn's tempertantrums to Verity's sticking her hand in her diaper all the time and smearing poop everywhere, I'm totally NOT ready for this stage. I see that list above and I just want to cry.

  4. I figured you were. The list is SOOO true and yet, those are all the things you'll look back on a miss one day. You'll look back and remember finding sippy cups in the toilet, peanut butter smeared all over the dog, balmex in her hair. . .ect. . .All the things that irritate/upset you in the moment, but then look back on and laugh about and stash away in your memory and think back on with a smile on your face.